Aug 19, 2011

Autograph - 4

HE:

Today, there was public holiday so I got lot of time to think and
analyze the situation. What was my fault? I haven't done anything
wrong. I didn't ever talk to her, I never tried to flirt, I never
gossiped about her except for my close friends. I am even sure that
none of my co-travelers in the bus know that I like her. Whenever I
stare at her I take necessary precaution as not to be too obvious. I
don't want to embarrass her in any way. When I am trying my best for
this, then why did she have such cruel expressions on the face?
I think either she knows now that I like her and stare at her and she
doesn't want to encourage me or simply, she just hates me for no
reason, just like many of my classmates who hate me for no reason.
I don't know what to do now, but either ways I think she just doesn't
want me to be anywhere around her. She just hates me. Just one more
failure. Does it hurt? Yes it does, but I am very much used to it.
I'll try my best not to look at her. I don't want to do anything that
she doesn't like. I will try to forget her as if she was just one more
dream in my life which simply didn't come true. Probably, I don't
deserve to be with her. This is fate after all. I will have to obey
it.

SHE:

Today I saw him in the food court. He was there with two girls and was
chatting, laughing, cracking jokes. He seemed to enjoy the company. Is
he also a typical boy who just wants to have as many girls around him
as possible? Is he a typical flirt? Does he want me also to get
included in that group for showcasing? Probably the two girls were
just good friends of him. At least I hope so. Please god please let
those be his sisters or just friends, nothing else.

HE:

Since that evening thing has happened, I have left staring at her. I
don't know but some inner voice is telling me to keep away. I am not a
street walking beggar to be treated like this. She might consider
herself whatever she might think of. She is beautiful, indeed, but
that doesn't mean she can insult me like that. I have sward not to
look at her again anymore and just to avoid her looks.
But I can't stay like this. I just like her and want to be with her.
She has committed a mistake, but wasn't that a bit natural. She
doesn't like me and doesn't want to encourage my feelings about her.
Simple isn't it? That's it. A complete halt for my feelings and my
dreams, but I don't think I can manage not to have even a look at her.
Will I be able to do it?
There is some saying, 'Oh god, change the situations around me to
favor me. At least give me the strength to change it. If I can't
change it, at least give me the strength to bear it.' Oh God, please
listen to me.

GOD:

You don't remember me when you are happy or contempt, do you? When
there is a problem or a really difficult situation, then you start
remembering me or praising me, don't you? I still won't interfere
here. My world is a complex entity with each and every thing or event
properly planned for some specific future as well as past reason. Why
should I interfere and break the balance of all these systems myself?

************************************************************************************

HE:

By the time I am writing this, Valentine's Day is already over. It
doesn't matter anyways, since nothing unusual has happened today. The
day had been very much like other 365 days in the year or probably
last 21 valentine's days in my life. I was hoping that I at least get
to catch her glimpse but fate didn't seem to favor me even this much.
Due to this night shift, I am even deprived of her glimpses. Today, I
even lingered a bit at the gates at the usual bus timing to watch her,
but she didn't turn up. I think god wants to signal me to keep away
from her. My insult that day was the first one and now this was the
second one. Ok god, I got it.

SHE:

Valentine's day is over but I couldn't manage even to see him today. I
thought today he might come to me and have a talk, but he didn't. Even
he is not traveling nowadays by the usual bus. Did he change home or
worst the company itself? Today all my teammates have gone out with
their valentines and I am alone back home. That's why I left the
office early and came straight back to home. If that evening thing
wouldn't have happened, probably today I would not have been alone. I
think the fate doesn't want us together. Probably so. Ok god, if this
is what is intended for me, ok; I accept it, obviously I anyways don't
have any alternative, but still.

HE:

I was working in the night shift for the whole month so had to travel
by cab rather than bus. I used to work from 4.00 p.m. to 2.30 a.m. so
naturally I had lost contact with almost all people working in
dayshift except for my teammates who would surrender the charge to me
while leaving for the day. For the whole month I didn't travel by bus.
Obviously didn't see her. She works in the adjacent building only, but
I don't know where her cubicle is located exactly and anyways even if
I would know that, I don't think I have that much guts to approach
her. For almost a month I didn't see her, but I didn't feel any
desperation to see her. I was unbelievably aloof in this case. Was it
the effect of that evening incidence?

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