Autograph - 7

SHE:

Today was the most dreadful day for me. Raj proposed to me. My mood
was off. I loved him in college but he didn't seem to pay any
attention to me. At times he literally avoided me. Later somehow I
just managed to overcome that feeling. I loved him, but he didn't.
There are no conditions in love after all. I tried my best to forget
feelings about him, at least suppress them. He never seemed to like
me. Then why now? Has his feelings really changed? Or he is just
playing games with me?
I was going to propose Niru today. It would have been the most crucial
moment of my life and this guy, Raj just turned off my mood. I was
literally shocked to hear from him. Not that I don't like him but now
that a couple of years have passed when we had no contact and even
Niru is there in my life. Much water has flown down the bridge. I
don't know whether I still love him, and I also don't know whether
Niru is ready to have a commitment as such with me. I am just
confused. Oh god, please help me. Show me some way. Why didn't you
device any automatic system to solve such problems?

GOD:

Automatic system? Wow!!! All these software engineers think alike.
They think just the computerization of every system solves most of the
related problems. But real life is not so simple. The real life is
much more complex thing to handle. In arithmetic you have 1+1 =2; but
in real life you may have 1+1 as anything but 2. That's life.
About the automatic system to solve the real life problems, I have
given you humans one such machine. Some call it heart, some just
brain. I gave you the ability to think. You can take decisions based
on your prior experience, your conscience and you can very easily use
it to make decisions and I am sure even she will find out a way in
this ambivalence because even if she does not trust my creations, I
do.

SHE:

Yesterday after so many days I cried. I cried a lot. I was completely
lost in dilemma. I was not able to think properly. What should I do? I
loved Rajesh a couple of years ago but he didn't, at that time. Now he
loves me but I love Niru. Rajesh wants to settle down in life and he
wants me to be with him. Niru has not planned something of that sort;
he is just going to complete his MBA first and then will think of
getting settled. Rajesh, he is of my age, very much mature; whereas
Niru is younger, a bit of immature but that suits his age. Rajesh, my
family knows him very well and will be ready perhaps eager to include
him in as my husband; whereas Niru, I haven't told anything about him
to mom or dad yet. But I love Niru a lot, probably more than I used to
love Rajesh in college days. How should I make a decision? Based on
feeling for love or based on my future, the practical aspects for my
life? Where should I go? Oh god, please help me. I need you immensely.
Please, help me make the decision.

Autograph - 6

HE:

Since last few days, she had been reserving a seat for me in the
morning as well as in the evening bus. We both seem to enjoy each
other's company very well. I decided to take a step forward today. I
asked her for a cup of coffee in the afternoon. I was a bit depressed
about what she might reply but surprisingly, she said yes without even
thinking for a moment as if she was actually waiting for such a move
from my side. We decided to meet at 4 near the café inside the campus.
She didn't turn up. I don't have her cell number and it's not updated
in the corporate address book so I couldn't even call her and ask why
she did so. It was so embarrassing for me to wait there just alone.
Did she do it purposefully? Why? I could make out no sensible reason.
If she would be having a meeting or some office work, she should have
informed me. She didn't call me. My extension or even cell number was
available with the address book directory. Did she do it for the only
reason that she wanted to show that she doesn't care for me and prove
her importance?

SHE:

Today, there happened a real disaster. The servers were down and I was
so busy in recovering them, debugging the code that I almost forgot I
had my first 'date' with Niru. I suddenly remembered it just before
going to a meeting at 2 and I was sure that I can easily finish off
with the meeting by 4 and meet Niru, but no. The destiny had some
other plans. I had to be in meeting till 5. I even couldn't phone Niru
and inform him that I am not coming. When the meeting was over, it was
already 6. He must have left for the day. He was going to Mumbai
today, so he must have left early.
What can I do? I wanted to meet him and apologize face to face. Mail
or phone won't do. I hope we meet on Monday. I'll explain him
everything. He is a nice guy. He will understand me properly. I am
hoping so; obviously I don't have any other option at least till
Monday.

HE:

I left for the day early today at 6. I had travelled from Mumbai in
the morning and so needed rest or was it just to avoid her since she
travels by 8 o'clock bus? I don't know the reason but I felt like just
avoiding her.

SHE:

Where is he? He must have come from Mumbai in the morning and joined
directly, that's why he wasn't in the morning bus, but why not in the
usual evening bus at 8? Probably he was tired. Let's hope he meets me
tomorrow morning. He will listen to me and this time I will invite him
for a coffee or so.

Another Day

HE:

Yesterday, she explained me the whole thing. How stupid of me? I was
thinking really absurd things about her. She is such a cute girl; it
was not her mistake that she had to attend the meeting. I was kind of
ok when she gave me the explanation. The conversation after that just
went normal as it used to be earlier. Whatever that might be I am not
going to ask her out anymore.

HE:

What the hell... what does she think of herself? Today she invited me
for a coffee at 4. I went there on time. I didn't want to miss it but
again she didn't turn up. Why? Is she just stressing how important she
is and how unimportant I am for her? I felt like calling her there
only and just ask the reason why is she playing games with me like
this. I decided to ask this for full and final what the matter was,
but she didn't turn up even for 8 o'clock bus.
************************************************************************************************

HE:

I couldn't see her for last 5 days. Did she come to office? Isn't she
feeling well? I hope she is alright. Oh God, please protect her. Date:
10-April

RAJ:

Her father was seriously ill. As a family friend I helped a lot. She
couldn't go to office for a week or so, but I helped her in conveying
the matter to her seniors. I think this last week helped me a lot as
in building a rapport with her and her parents. Fate has given me a
good chance to get closer to her, I will do so.

SHE:

Today I met Niru finally after so many days. I thought he might be
still angry about the coffee thing, but to my surprise, he was a bit
tensed as to why I was not coming to the office. I explained him that
daddy was seriously ill. He enquired about dad's health and then
simply changed the subject to turn my attention to somewhere else. He
was just trying to take me out of the tension about dad's health. He
is such a mature guy, I knew he would understand.

SHE:

Niru and I have been going out for a long time now. I have started
loving him. I think even he is serious about this relationship but he
is younger than me and I don't think he is ready for any commitment at
this stage of his life, but mummy and dad are pursuing me for
marriage; what should I do? Should I ask him?

SHE:

Niru told me today that he is leaving the company. He has got an
admission to MBA in a College in Mumbai. It's really difficult to be
away from him at least for 2 years. Should I ask him for a
relationship? Will he be ready for that or he just wants to wait till
the completion of his MBA? But I can't wait that much. I think I'll
better ask him straight about the commitment let's see what he says.

RAJ:

Today I proposed to her. She didn't show any expressions as such on
face and asked for some time to think about it, but I know she must
have be just too happy for she had crush on me in our college life. I
think she will say 'yes'. Just that I need to confirm that Niru
doesn't come in between. Everything should go smooth otherwise. Even
her and my parents would not have any problem in fact they would be
happy if she and I get into the most beautiful relationship.

HE:

Today she called me up and asked to meet for a coffee at our usual
place, but later suddenly she called up to cancel the meeting. I don't
know why. She sounded stressed a bit on phone so I concluded it to be
the result of work pressure. But when I saw her in the evening in the
bus today, she was in a bit off-mood. I don't know why. She then just
held my hand. I think she wanted to say something but she was not able
to. I couldn't even understand what she wanted to say but I kept mum.
When my stop came nearer, she released my hand. I asked her whether
she was alright. She didn't reply anything else than 'yes, just fine'.
I tried calling her in the night after dinner, but she didn't pick up.
I think she must be stressed because of the work and must have slept
early. I hope nothing is wrong. Oh god, please take care of her.

Autograph - 5

HE:

Today, the office had planned to screen a movie in the campus. I had
seen it but thought of enjoying it with friends in the open air. I
took the permission for an hour from my boss and went for that. The
dialogues were not much audible on the lawns, but it was fun to watch
the movie in an open air theatre like that. I was to leave the place
to return to my cubicle and turned around when I saw her standing
there just around 10 feet away from me.
I don't know why but my heart started speeding a lot higher than even
Michael Schumacher's Ferrari. She just smiled at someone in the crowd
at my back, tried her best not to look directly to me and just left
the place. I stood there for a minute or two just wondering what had
happened.
Why did she smile? Did she feel good that I am still in the same
company only or she didn't even take notice of my presence and really
smiled at someone in the crowd at my back? But we were so close that
it was practically impossible for her to just ignore me.

SHE:

I saw him today, at the movie screening. Thank god he is still working
with this company only. I thought of smiling at him and greeting him.
I was so happy to see him, I wanted to ask him where he was for so
many days, whether he was not well, had he changed his house or was he
using bike for the transport, but again I didn't ask a single
question. I stayed calm. I didn't want to embarrass him again.
I don't know what I feel about him, but somehow whenever I see him, I
do feel better. I hope he starts travelling by bus again. Everyday we
can see each other in the morning and wish each other a very good
morning without any words or smile but just with a plain look.the
balance of all these systems myself?


HE:

Today can be called as the luckiest day of my life. I talked to her
face to face for the first time. Rajesh, my friend had some work in
Nigdi today and was traveling by our bus and surprisingly he knew her
well. They were college mates during the degree. He introduced us
formally. I was so happy, that I just forgot that sometime back she
just avoided sitting beside me. Everything in my brain, all my
nervousness, and hatred for her as well as for my loser ...all was
just washed up. Now I can talk to her, I hope I can turn this chance
to success. Oh god, thanks a lot... Rajesh was just like an angel sent
by you.

SHE:

Thanks a lot god.... I am so happy. Even he was. I could easily make
that out from his face. It was just so bright. He still has feelings
for me. Thank god, I thought after that day I kinda lost him, but no.
Now we can talk to each other officially. No problem of who is first
... we are friends now. God you are great.

RAJ:

Today I was traveling with Niru, my projectmate. Even my best friend
in college was traveling by the same bus. It was a really pleasant
surprise to see her after a couple of years or so. I think my transfer
to Pune will result in some good thing. She has become more beautiful
than she was in our college days. Damn.. why the hell did I neglect
her in college when she had crush on me... I hope she is still single,
not even committed or so. I would like simple girl like to get settled
in life. Now I am well settled in job, should go forward with love
matter also.When I introduced Niru to her today, somehow her face lit
up as if she was eager to have a word or two with him since many days.
Niru's condition was no different. Do they have something between
them? I hope there is nothing of such sort. Oh God, thanks a lot that
you made me meet her, I hope you help me once again to make her mine.
Please just keep Niru out of this.

GOD:
If you get only happiness then you don't feel its value, do you?
That's why everything is planned in such a way that whenever you get
happy you should understand its true value. I haven't done anything
special here. It's all just happening as predefined.

HE:
Since Raj has introduced us to each other, the days have been very
good for us. I mean I didn't talk to her or so, but at least we
exchange smile regularly. Let's see whether I can sit beside her
sometime and have a word or two.
HE:
I sat beside her today in the bus while returning from office. We were
chatting a lot, on no specific topics as such, but I really enjoyed
her company. She is really a cute, simple and sweet girl. She said she
will be reserving a seat for me in the morning bus. Let's see whether
she really keeps her promise...

Autograph - 4

HE:

Today, there was public holiday so I got lot of time to think and
analyze the situation. What was my fault? I haven't done anything
wrong. I didn't ever talk to her, I never tried to flirt, I never
gossiped about her except for my close friends. I am even sure that
none of my co-travelers in the bus know that I like her. Whenever I
stare at her I take necessary precaution as not to be too obvious. I
don't want to embarrass her in any way. When I am trying my best for
this, then why did she have such cruel expressions on the face?
I think either she knows now that I like her and stare at her and she
doesn't want to encourage me or simply, she just hates me for no
reason, just like many of my classmates who hate me for no reason.
I don't know what to do now, but either ways I think she just doesn't
want me to be anywhere around her. She just hates me. Just one more
failure. Does it hurt? Yes it does, but I am very much used to it.
I'll try my best not to look at her. I don't want to do anything that
she doesn't like. I will try to forget her as if she was just one more
dream in my life which simply didn't come true. Probably, I don't
deserve to be with her. This is fate after all. I will have to obey
it.

SHE:

Today I saw him in the food court. He was there with two girls and was
chatting, laughing, cracking jokes. He seemed to enjoy the company. Is
he also a typical boy who just wants to have as many girls around him
as possible? Is he a typical flirt? Does he want me also to get
included in that group for showcasing? Probably the two girls were
just good friends of him. At least I hope so. Please god please let
those be his sisters or just friends, nothing else.

HE:

Since that evening thing has happened, I have left staring at her. I
don't know but some inner voice is telling me to keep away. I am not a
street walking beggar to be treated like this. She might consider
herself whatever she might think of. She is beautiful, indeed, but
that doesn't mean she can insult me like that. I have sward not to
look at her again anymore and just to avoid her looks.
But I can't stay like this. I just like her and want to be with her.
She has committed a mistake, but wasn't that a bit natural. She
doesn't like me and doesn't want to encourage my feelings about her.
Simple isn't it? That's it. A complete halt for my feelings and my
dreams, but I don't think I can manage not to have even a look at her.
Will I be able to do it?
There is some saying, 'Oh god, change the situations around me to
favor me. At least give me the strength to change it. If I can't
change it, at least give me the strength to bear it.' Oh God, please
listen to me.

GOD:

You don't remember me when you are happy or contempt, do you? When
there is a problem or a really difficult situation, then you start
remembering me or praising me, don't you? I still won't interfere
here. My world is a complex entity with each and every thing or event
properly planned for some specific future as well as past reason. Why
should I interfere and break the balance of all these systems myself?

************************************************************************************

HE:

By the time I am writing this, Valentine's Day is already over. It
doesn't matter anyways, since nothing unusual has happened today. The
day had been very much like other 365 days in the year or probably
last 21 valentine's days in my life. I was hoping that I at least get
to catch her glimpse but fate didn't seem to favor me even this much.
Due to this night shift, I am even deprived of her glimpses. Today, I
even lingered a bit at the gates at the usual bus timing to watch her,
but she didn't turn up. I think god wants to signal me to keep away
from her. My insult that day was the first one and now this was the
second one. Ok god, I got it.

SHE:

Valentine's day is over but I couldn't manage even to see him today. I
thought today he might come to me and have a talk, but he didn't. Even
he is not traveling nowadays by the usual bus. Did he change home or
worst the company itself? Today all my teammates have gone out with
their valentines and I am alone back home. That's why I left the
office early and came straight back to home. If that evening thing
wouldn't have happened, probably today I would not have been alone. I
think the fate doesn't want us together. Probably so. Ok god, if this
is what is intended for me, ok; I accept it, obviously I anyways don't
have any alternative, but still.

HE:

I was working in the night shift for the whole month so had to travel
by cab rather than bus. I used to work from 4.00 p.m. to 2.30 a.m. so
naturally I had lost contact with almost all people working in
dayshift except for my teammates who would surrender the charge to me
while leaving for the day. For the whole month I didn't travel by bus.
Obviously didn't see her. She works in the adjacent building only, but
I don't know where her cubicle is located exactly and anyways even if
I would know that, I don't think I have that much guts to approach
her. For almost a month I didn't see her, but I didn't feel any
desperation to see her. I was unbelievably aloof in this case. Was it
the effect of that evening incidence?

Autograph - 3

HE:

Today when I got into the bus and looked at her, she returned back
acute smile. Was she serious? I don't know; probably she must have
told her friends about me and they must have been making fun of me and
that's why when I got into the bus she started laughing and I
misunderstood it
for smiling. Such a fool of me. Damn, her friends must be having fun
discussing things about me.

SHE:

Today when he got into the bus, I smiled at him. But he seemed to be
more puzzled than pleased..Is he really interested in having
friendship with me or not? I really don't know. Why am I thinking so
much about him? Have I started liking him? Or is it just like you just
get used to some things as a habit, and then you unknowingly start
liking them? I think it's the latter case here. Please god please let
that guy be a descent one. My sixth sense says he is a descent guy. I
think he must have got puzzled because of the smile I gave him. It
wasn't my fault, for I showed him that I am interested in friendship.
Now the ball lies in his court. Will he dare first to talk?




Date : Following Day

HE:

I am damn confused. I don't know what to do. Every day everyone around
me is bombarding me with some tactics to approach her but nothing
seems to suit me well. My roommates even started taunting me that I
can't have a girlfriend or at least the guts to approach the gal. I am
leaving it now on luck. I will just continue whatever is going on; let
the luck take us wherever and however intended.


Following Day:

HE:
Nothing unusual or special happened in the last few days. However,
today I thought something interesting might happen. The bus was about
to start the back-home journey today when she and one of her friends
got into the bus. They were searching for a place to sit. I was alone
on a seat of three. I was thrilled that she would sit on the same seat
beside me. But she just came, momentarily paused at the seat, turned
to her friend and just went past; to sit on the last seat. I couldn't
see the expressions on her face clearly but what I saw was a face
filled up with hate or some similar feeling that clearly showed
expression such as whatever might happen, I am not going to sit beside
this *****. It was really heartbreaking. It was the biggest insult I
had suffered till now. Am I so hopeless?

SHE:
 I got into the bus and searched for the seat. He was sitting alone on the
seat for 3, it was a good chance for me to sit with him and have a
word or two. I was just thrilled. I was about to sit on the same seat
when Kruti said something. I didn't hear it properly so I turned to
her. She said, See, Raghav is there, he has reserved seats for us. I
just hate that Raghav; he is always ready to flirt provided the other
person is a girl. Whenever I see him, somehow I try my best to be as
away from him as I can, I even show hatred to him directly on my face
but this guy simply ignores this. I don't know why Kruti likes him so
much.
So the point is I went to the seat that Raghav had reserved specially
for us. I felt really bad for Niru, but if I would have denied
Raghav's offer and would have sat on Niru's seat; it would have just
been too obvious. He must have felt embarrassed. Poor guy.

Date : Following Day

SHE:
Today he seemed to have lost in thoughts. When he got into the bus,
surprisingly he didn't search for me. He even didn't look up. He just
went straight to the last seat and started reading a novel. I tried
looking at him once or twice but he didn't lift his head at all. I
think he is hurt, I am feeling sorry, but what can I do? When we got
down at the office gate, I purposefully lingered a bit more at the
gates to give back him a smile, but I couldn't spot him in the crowd.
Niru, I am sorry, please be normal again.

Autograph - 2

 HE:
 
My roommate told me to approach her and get introduced to her all by myself. It's not that easy; this is not a college,
 
 What if she complains about this to higher authorities? No, I can't take this risk.
 
 Someone else better introduce her to me. God, can you help me please?
 
 SHE:
 
 My cousin told me to show some sign to him that I am ok in having friendship with him. I think he is afraid to come forward.
 
 I'll give him a good friendly smile tomorrow, when he gets into the bus.
 
 I hope he understands and decrypts my signal.. God, can you please help him?
 
 GOD:
 
 Now should I come into this picture? Both of these human beings are acting as if they are in a big problem.
 
 Although not for me, I had made life so simple for you, just added a bit of emotions there and see how complex you have made it.
 
 Now that I am the god, you must have been expecting me to intervene and have some miracle, but no; I won't interfere here.
 
 I have created this world with some fixed rules and everything is just working as per that.
 
 Why should I just interfere and break my own rules thereby disrupting the balance of this whole system?

A Beautiful Story @@ Autograph - 1

HE:
 
I wait everyday till 8.00 in the office even if there is no work. All of my teammates ask me why; how can I tell them that I don't wait for anypersonal or official work but the only reason why I wait is the 'secretary'- a girl in my 8.00 p.m bus.
'Secretary' is not her real name, it's sort of a code name given to her by me and my friends. Truly speaking, I like her. She might not be one of thosewho look like Aishwarya Rai or Preitty Zinta, but she is cute and simple and that's the reason I like her. For past 6 months I have been staring at herin the bus, while going to office and coming back from the office. When I get into bus, somehow my eyes search the whole bus just to have her glimpse.
I never had a girlfriend till now, not that I don't like to have friendship with girls but somehow they usually prefer tall-dark-handsome qualities in their boyfriends, out of which I possess none. I don't want to jump to any relationship like this with the secretary but at least just a friendship, is it possible?
I want to talk to her. I want to have friendship with her. I know her name, for I had seen her ID card one day. But I don't have the guts to talk to her.
I even don't know whether she knows me even by face. I know, no one can help me here; no-one other than myself, but I simply have no guts.
At least someone probably a common friend,
might at least formally introduce us to each other.
 
SHE:
 
There is one guy in my office bus. His name is Niranjan. I think he likes me, for me and even my friends have observed him many times staring at myself.
Even when he gets into the bus, rather than searching for an empty seat, his eyes search the whole bus for me. Don't know why but I kind of like it.
Sometimes the feeling of knowing that someone loves you is far better than actually loving somebody. I didn't have any affair till today, not that I didn't like or love anyone, there was a guy in my college, whom I liked a lot but somehow he stayed away from me, not that he didn't like me but probably because I am not that beautiful and he wanted someone much more better than me.
This guy, Niru, that's what his friends call him, I had heard it once in the bus; he seems to be interested in me, not sure about love as such but friendship might not be bad. At least the guy seems to be descent one. I would like to be his friend, but how can I go forward?
After all he is the boy, he should come one step ahead not me..
 
 
To be continued...stay tuned